Signing out.

This is officially going to be my last post. I've decided that I should probably give some explanation as to why rather then just stop posting, so here it is.
Keeping something like a blog is bloody hard for me. This is not for a reason like I can't be bothered or something like that, but is the result of one of the many emotional insecurities that I have and keep guarded so much that I would be very much surprised if anyone was aware of them. When I write something about myself, even if i know that very few people if any will ever see it, it makes me feel unbelievably, irrevocably visible. The idea that anyone can see me is so repellent and frightening that it courses within me a response very close to panic; though once again in order to insure that no trace of this escapes to my exterior I immediately transfer said panic into depression. Which, as many people are no doubt aware, can be concealed without much trouble. This adherence to visibility comes from a simple course: I hate myself and everything about me and have a great deal of trouble imagining why anyone else should feel anything different about me. I know, however, that this is not the case. My friends and family alike I am well aware care very deeply about me, and would continue to do so if I were, proverbially, striped naked of all pretense and needless defenses. Also, over the past few years especially I have come to realize with an absolute certainty that I can feel in no other aspect of life that the only one the one that knows me far better then I know myself will love my no matter what, and that knowledge and the strength that He gives me has kept my alive, brought me back when I'm at my worst. Still, I am severely inhibited in everything I do by the constant awareness that I have that from every angle I am being judged and found wanting, I do not need to be told that I'm worthless to know that it is true. The amount of stress that the fact or even the idea of keeping a blog affords me can be no measure be considered worth it, for unlike the flash of silent tears that i allow myself in moments of privacy it has no healing value whatsoever. I do not know why speaking my mind constantly proves to be so difficult, and any guess that I could hazard would reflect on various of my familiars so unkindly that I will leave them unspoken. I will end this post here before I say to much. And anyone who finds this post to any degree distressing, feel confident that I will survive. That is enough.

See ya. Ig.

insert post title here

Insert post here.

I'm waiting.

Dern it, I guess I'm going to have to write this post myself. Tell me this, is it alright to spend a few hours on a Sunday playing computer games when you know you have homework to do? What if it's important homework? What if you have a cold and the work probably won't be of a very high quality? What if I'll do it later? What if there's housework to do as well? And something you said you'd do to prepare for the formal? Is it still okay to spend just a couple of tiny hours playing computer games? Just a little bit to get them out of my system so that I won't play any for the rest of the week and really concentrate on work. That's okay isn't it? Isn't it? What? But I don't want to do homework, I don't feel like it. Alright, I'll finish up this post, then I'll go and clean up the bathroom, then after I'm finished I'll do some homework(play computer games) and get on top of my VCE.

Back from the dead!

I realize it may have been a while since I last posted. *is struck by lightning for massive understatement*. I swear I have a good excuse. It goes something like this: I couldn't be bothered getting around to finding time to work up the enthusiasm to preform the very difficult task of typing something. But not I'm back *crowd goes wild* at least for now *crowd sighs* until the pressures of VCE get so overwhelming that I ram my head through the computer screen. I will now recount the fantastic tale of how I returned to the land of the blog. In Methods today Annie told me to start blogging again. Annie's authority on such matters is so great that I can not but obey her commands. So tonight, my heart scourged with trepidation, my shaking hands entered the old near forgotten URL into the address bar of Firefox. There it was, my old domain. Sitting unblemished just the way it was about half way through year 11. Ooooops. Never mind. I'm back now. Never fear, genteel people, for the hero has returned. Spread the Word.

Here come the debutante

Saturday was my deb ball. IT WAS SO UNBELIEVABLY FUN! Like completely amazingly fun. All the girls looked a million dollars and all the boys looked mighty fine. I went all out. You just have to for a deb ball. There are only a few occations in a girls life where she gets to go al out with the white dress and everything and I was not going to miss this one in case I never get married. The dancing went pretty good. I remembered all the cues, (important when your first) and we went through the carousel and the slow-rhythm-fox-trot and the jive without much of a hitch. The cha cha wasn't so good but nobody minded. The night was magic, really, and the kind of magic that was real, not a technicality blur. I am so glad I did it. I actually think that I looked genuinely good, a very rare occurrence for me.

Now, the after party. Despite what you may here from other people, I wasn't that drunk. Okay maybe I was, but I didn't pass out. And I only though up three or four times. It wasn't so much that I drank a lot, just that I did it all in the space of about half an hour. Apparently I gave a big speech about why the chicken crossed the road, and I have some vague memories of this but that's about all. I didn't pick up anyone, but a few other people I could mention did. Dan has photos, she's spreading them around.

My photos (of a different sought to Dan's) are coming.

Manners

Be polite, stay in line, do unto others as you will have them do to you, say please and thank you and excuse me, and most importantly, don't blog in class. Ooops. Guess which of the above I'm disregarding now? That's right, I'm writing this in English class, during a very interesting issues study on the presence or absence of manners in Australian society. And more importantly, who we can blame if our manners are out the window. The Prime Minister blames TV, others blame young people, parents, media, the slow erosion of time, cultural corruption and private schools. Some even blame the internet.
I think this is as good a point as any to say that I have used a program to change the text in the bar up the top of my web browser, so instead of reading "Microsoft Internet Explorer" now reads "this is not the internet-this is my head". Not really relevant, but interesting none the less.

So what do you all think? Has Australia lost her manners? Are we sinking into the steaming pit of vulgarity? Is relating a country in the female form a thing of the past? Is this a polite blog? Share your thoughts.

Do da

So. yes. i'm sitting in Biology watching presentations on adaptions to enviroments. I've already done mine, so I don't have to worry any more. I did the blue wren. They are tricksy little buggers. Very permiscuouse. But anyway, for the big news, I have my deb dress! It's white and pretty. Which is pretty much what a deb dress is but never mind. The corset thing meens that I have to stand up really straight. I don't know how I'm going to dance in it. Or curtsey. Curtseying is hard! Very hard. Harder then the denceing. We've had three dance lessons so far, and I have gained a new respect for those people who dance on TV. I spite of that, i don't think I'm that terrible at it suprisingly. But get this, me and David are couple no.l 1, so we'll be presented first. ARGH! Hay, did you know that the wallaroos have a diet of grasses and shrubs? You'd be amazed what you learn when you listen to these orrals. I'm going to try it. See yas.

Guinny Pigs

Aproxematly 5-6 years ago, we had many guinny pigs. About 14. We kept the boy pigs and girl pigs seperate because years of experience said that this was the only way to keep the population down to a reasnoble amount. (anything over 20 is unreasnoble) These guinny pigs had many adventures, quite often begining with a mass escape from their cage and an armarda accross the lawn. (now small feet. We have a big lawn) Once they moved into the shed and it took 6 months to catch them again, once they re-aranged their cage structure, and so on. Back to the main story. 5-6 years ago we sent our 4 boy pigs to camp. This is not a euthenism for some sort of massaca, we quite literally sent them to camp. We moved them and there cage over to my grandmother's farm in Bunyip for a while. It was ment to be for two weeks. However, after about a week they somehow broke out and ran awey. For about a month afterwards you could acasionaly see a ball of fur darting under the lemmon tree, but after a time they disapeared. For years we thought no more of it. Intill now. See, my aunt who has the farm several crosscountry k's and river away now says she has guinny pigs liveing in her hayshed. They match the description. I always new the little buggers had a survival streek.

GATted

Thank God I have not been. A GAT is a fickle beast, but where ye love 'er or hate 'er, she must be done. And when finnished, ye will find yourself GATted, GATted and disarmed, unshillded from the harsh light of unit 3.

Unit three, I give to thee;
A quite unpleasent choice.
Either see the blues,of one and two;
Amd slowly find your vioce.
Or jump right in, the depths and swim;
Right through the tironry.
And fight the premtive battle;
That is unit three.
Unit four, do you ask for more?
We're in the thick of things now.
When crunch time comes, can you do the sums,
Do you even remember how?
VCE, The place to be,
When the time is ny;
When we screem as we remember,
These are the best years of our lives.

fuckfuckfuckfcuk fuckfuckfuckfcuk fuckfuckfuckfcuk fuckfuckfuckfcuk fuckfuckfuckfcuk hay look its a tree!
I am unbelievably glad I'm not doing a Unit 3. Unit one's bad enough without it actially meening something. I'm in the very commen situation of wanting a +90 but I don't feeeeel like studying. So I try to ignore the fack that I had two exams yesterday have two tomorow one the day after and another next week in the hope it will go away. This kind of presure does things to people. Like makes them write strange almost rhyming poems about VCE. Oh, that poem that I wrote in under a minute comes so very close to makeing some sembenalance of sence it's almost tragic. As is the fact that I'm this close to killing whoever designed the education system with a rolled up GAT. I'll general achieve you!

melp.

I have exams in a week and a half. I have something like ten SACs to do before then. I'm screwed. I want to study so I'll do well but I have to do these fucking SACs! I'm ready to shoot somebody, probebly the person who wrote the curiculem. This is also my infrequent post excuse, every free moment I've had between school, homework, study, sleep and the preparetion and cesumption of food I have NOT wanted to spend looking at a screen. AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGHHH! VCE stress mega time! In tuter group today I realised I had a SAC due next period that I hadn't started. I don't think I've ever worked so fast through recess, and as a result the quality of the assignment is low to nill. Luckly it's just a prac report. Still, I'm fucking screwed. That's all I can write, I have homework to do. (help)

Biology.

Does anyone know anything about digestive enzymes in the mouth? No I'm sorry i mean the primary function of the mouth and mechanical and chemical digestion? I know some junk but I have a feeling that i don't know enough for this presentation I gotta do on Monday. Now, I know it's been a wile since I posted last. Those evil rabits have been stearing out from the land of Davie's lounge for some time. This is because I need to do school work to keep from failing VCE, which we all know will meen the end of the world as we know it. Everything hinges on enter scores, it's simple physics. But right now I've gotta think about simple Biology, coz that's the class i'm in. Have you ever eaten toungue? One of my class mates thinks that is really funny. And something about 16 year old Japanease chool girls and 40 year old perverts. Now THAT is simple biology. I wish i hadn't have gone there. Now I'll never go back. Once you go black... I need to do more work now.